I was driven to write this post for one reason: Over the weekend I DELIBERATELY sinned. By that I mean, I did something that I knew was wrong even before I did it. I was lying in bed that night and I was just about to fall asleep when I had a filthy dream. I woke up from it, and whenever I have a filthy dream, which since I removed all avenues for the sex demon to get to me, have been few and far between, thankfully, I self-deliver myself using the methods in the Deliverance Manual I shared in my Witchcraft post, and if I still feel an urge to relieve myself, I grab my Bible and just start reading, even if nothing seems to stick in my head, I read until I feel my Spirit is at peace again. This time I didn’t read the Bible after self-deliverance. I was tired, and I wanted it to STOP right then and there. So I decided to give in, just this once.
And as soon as I made the decision, my Spirit came alive telling me to stop, don’t do it, please! But I didn’t listen. Afterwards, I felt guilty for sinning, but this time I also felt physically sick, not sick enough to throw up, but extreme nausea, and I felt so filthy I thought no amount of water could clean me. Again, the same urge that had tempted me came back and I felt like if I slept I would feel better in the morning. Again, my Spirit came alive and said NO! YOU ARE NOT GUARANTEED TOMORROW! So I confessed my sin to Father and asked for forgiveness. And I repented.
But I didn’t feel right. Something was wrong, and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. And then I realized, it was fear. I was afraid. Even though I repented, I didn’t know for sure that Father was still with me. After all, it wasn’t like I sinned unintentionally when I get mad at somebody, and I say something I shouldn’t in the heat of the moment. I had decided to sin, and that was intentional, deliberate sin. I turned my back on Father. Why should He accept me back? What had I done to deserve it?
I read my Sister Barbie’s blog yesterday, and I went onto swordoftruth.org which is another blog she manages. And one of her posts was Emergency Numbers. I clicked on it wondering what she meant, and I saw a list of scriptures you can read whenever you feel a certain way. I searched for what I should read when I have sinned, and there is was: Psalm 51. That evening I went to my Bible and I read it. And after I read it, I prayed it. And it was the most heartfelt prayer, because I did not have to change one word. When I pray Ephesians 6:10-19 I change ye to I or me, or myself depending on the rest of the scripture, so that I am praying for myself. But Psalm 51 starts with “Have mercy on ME, O God”. So straight away I could pray every single word as if it was written specifically for me.
And do you know something? It was. David wrote that Psalm as a prayer of repentance for himself. But as you know according to 2 Timothy 3:16:
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
So if you take that scripture and look at Psalms 51, you realize that YHWH INSPIRED David to write that Psalm. He was giving not just David, but all of YHWH’s children who came after him, the very words they needed whenever they sought forgiveness. And when I realized that was what Father had done, I realized that He still loved me, that yes, I had chosen to turn my back on Him, but He had NEVER turned His back on me. He led me to Barbie’s post yesterday, because He knew I needed to read it, to find that Psalm and take it as the prayer I needed if ever I need forgiveness again.
And so for you, here is Psalms 51 so that if ever you need to find forgiveness, for whatever reason, all you need to do is read these words aloud with heartfelt need for love and forgiveness, and EVERYTHING will be alright again.
1 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.
May YHWH bless you and keep you safe always.